Boarderline personality disorder,bipolar, schizophrenia ?
Obviously im not sure if its either…
im very easy to anger, im always in anticipation and fear, i chew my lips really bad, and my nails till both bleed. I harm myself, i have reccurent suicidal ideations, i shop excessivley (when i cant afford it!) im generally depressed, lethargic and have no energy. i dont sleep well and even when i get a good sleep (6-7) hours (still broken) no matter what im still tiered and have no energy all day. I dont go out any more cause i always think people are judging me.. i carry a pocketknife for my protection, im constantly looking around because i need to know who is near me and why, i hate myself… my body, face – everything and anything about me i hate. i have not dreams or visions but maybe call them visual thoughts ? but i know there fake kinda thing (if that makes sense) sometimes i lie in bed and visualise blood dripping from the cealing or someone jumping through my window and seeing there slit up face….. i have seen things like this since i was atleast 9 ( and i never have watched a scarey movie)
Please also know my grandad has bipolar, and my dad had borderline personality disorder, schiziophrenia, depression, and killed himself. My brother also has cluster B personality traites and probable schizeophrenia but has not been fully diagnoised as he is a organic ( head injury causing mental health issues).
sveta – i have had an interesting life, my father used to beat us and try kill us, he died when i was 10 from a drug overdose, i lived for 8 years with my brother trying to kill me, chasing me with knives beating me and slitting his wrists infront of me etc, my youngest memory ov my grandad is him in a pool ov blood after my uncle stabbed him, or him beating my mother and me screaming to get of her etc and the list goes on alot longer but yes…. i have had trauma i guess